A recent coaching session highlighted how critical authentic relationships are when trying to influence colleagues. My coachee is an outcome and results driven person who has been successful and at some level questions "why change a winning formula". It is something I see often and it reminds me of Marshall Goldsmith's great book "What got you here, won't get you there" At the senior level building authentic relationships is vital to success. In fact the Center for Creative Leadership found in their research that one of the main things that gets people fired is poor relationships. Good relationships are important and successful people are able to get the balance right between relationships and outcomes and let's face it good relationships will deliver successful outcomes.
Truly listen to the other person
How often do we truly listen to the other person? To take the time to understand the where the other person is coming from. Often what is happening is that each person is so intent on getting the other person to accept his or her own point of view, that they are not really listening to the other person at all. many people listen to speak rather than listen to hear.
Put yourself in the other person's shoes
Try and understand where they are coming from? Put aside your own interpretations and assumptions and seek to see the issue from their side.
Assume positive intentions.
Come from a place that assumes positive intentions from the other person. We rarely meet people who intentionally want to be negative or irritating. People manifest their own control issues in a variety of different ways including being difficult or argumentative.
These tips may sound like common sense but pressures of getting the task done can take us away from seeking where others are coming from.
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